Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Jubal]

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Why aren't plates called ploots?

[The Seamstress]

They're called pl-ate-s for a reason, no one ever oot.

Why does it rain water and not apple juice?

[Jubal]

Because apples keep falling down rather than up to the clouds where they could be juiced. It's all Newton's fault.

Who was history's greatest horse?

[The Seamstress]

Horsus Fitzgelding, the lesser known half-cousin of Lord Horsington. He not only was a great artist, creating the world's first astounding hay sculptures, but also a great and generous gentleman who always made sure that everyone had plenty of popcorn.

Will anyone ever know what makes the world go round instead of rectangular?

[Jubal]

Only the water-voles will ever know: and I have never yet persuaded them to tell me.

Where are the best places to frognoodle?

[The Seamstress]

In one of the new restaurant ponds recently opened, they're called McKermit's and only serve noodles.

Who has the best life advice to give?

[Jubal]

Probably the Little Owlbear.

What is the problem with wibulnibs?

[The Seamstress]

They seem to have no sense of propriety. And they show up uninvited to ambush you. Rude. Someone should teach them some manners!

What has Dracula ever contributed to society?! That leech's just sitting around in his huge castle doing nothing!

[Jubal]

He has a lot of training in ac-count-ancy, gives a lot of free piercings, and has a great batting average


What is the way of inner pizza?

[The Seamstress]

There are four simple rules to follow, rules that have been given to the people at the dawn of pizza, which are:
1. The best ingredients for the best pizza.
2. Eat with gratitude and humbleness.
3. Share it with others if they are eager to follow the Path of Pizza.
4. Eat so much pizza that your insides become pizza. Breathe pizza. Think pizza. Be pizza.


What's the best kind of tree?

[Jubal]

Walnut. I have my loyalties.

When will our new overlords arrive?

[The Seamstress]

They're stuck in a traffic jam somewhere near Orion, so they'll probably be late.


How can people vanish into thin air? You'd think the air should be the opposite of thin so you can't actually see the people vanishing into it?

[Jubal]

The secret ingredient is, as they say, crime.


Why is Orion still a hunter? Shouldn't he have settled down to do some farming by now?

[The Seamstress]

Well, prices for farms and land are high and he hasn't got any savings. Hunting isn't the most lucrative of jobs.


Why can't we all just be cosy in our blanket forts and do whatever we like instead of having to pretend we're functioning adults?

[Jubal]

Because then adult life would collapse into blanket life. The blanket bandits would steal the blanket forts, and a system of blanket feudalism would emerge in which only the richest would have ever larger blanket piles while the rest of us had to just sew more and more elaborate blankets for them.

Why is Bleak House a book but Bleak Garden, Bleak Shed, and Bleak Garage never followed it?