Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[The Seamstress]

Because then you'd never get up, eventually be absorbed by your computer, and disappear from the face of the earth. No sir.

Can I find money on trees? Where are all the money trees?

[Jubal]

You can only find money on trees if you swap it with monkey. Then you have to pay for goods and services with monkey which may be a hassle.

Why aren't cars called wheeliebobs?

[The Seamstress]

Because wheeliebobs have their name copyrighted. They live in Monaco.

What happens to people who eat Harfpüehz tree onions?

[Jubal]

They eat one harf, then the other harf. Then they püehz.

What use is a lighthouse whose location is a strict secret?

[The Seamstress]

It's for secret ships. With secret people on board. But that's a secret. You didn't hear it from me! (This message will self-destruct in 10, 9, 8...)


Where's Wally?

[Jubal]

Behind the wall.

Why's Wally?

[The Seamstress]

This will be revealed in the year 2222, according to the prophecy.

What else will be revealed?

[Jubal]

That's surely not a question for polite company: good heavens!


When does a wave on the shore become a memory of the sea neverending?

[The Seamstress]

It just did by being poetically written down. That's Poetic Questions 101. You should know that!

Who were the first gargoyles on historic buildings modelled after?

[Jubal]

Xharflath, The Demon Who Haunts The Dreams Of Seagulls.

Why are there problems wine can't solve?

[The Seamstress]

Because alcohol isn't and shouldn't be a problem solver, no matter how great or small the problem. Seriously: Don't.

And since this is a non-stupid answer in a stupid questions-and-answers thread, let me just add: Why should grapes be in charge of solving human problems all the time, that's against worker rights. Leave them alone to do their fermentation thing!


What job does Santa do when it's not Christmas Season? He has to make a living somehow, doesn't he?

[Jubal]

Because alcohol isn't and shouldn't be a problem solver, no matter how great or small the problem. Seriously: Don't.

To be fair, sometimes in life the problem is "how do I best preserve the shed leg of a spider for DNA analysis" and the answer is 100% alcohol:) But point taken.

Santa makes a living by being a Gandalf impersonator at other times of year.

Why aren't armadilloes better pianists?

[The Seamstress]

Because their arms are too short to reach all the keys. That's why they're called arm-adilloes. "Adillo" is armadillo language and means "too short to reach piano keys". It's a cultural tragedy.

Why are there no blue pumpkins?

[Jubal]

There are, they're just all moving away from us very fast so we percieve them as orange.

Why do I have to pay internet bill but never internet hilary, internet amanda, or internet juan?

[The Seamstress]

Internet Bill invented the internet, so he's in charge and gets all the money first. Internet Hilary is the assistant, Internet Amanda does the PR and Internet Juan is idly looking out the window.

Who's really creating crop circles?