Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[The Seamstress]

BRAIN MOLES with hiccups.

What caused the Gargoyle Uprising of 1155?

[Jubal]

The Green Man Revolt of 1152.


What caused the Green Man Revolt of 1152?

[The Seamstress]

The assassination of The Elder Green Man in 1151.

Why was The Elder Green Man assassinated?

[Jubal]

Ducks.

Why are ducks?

[The Seamstress]

When The Gods created all that is living, there was great jealousy among them, and they could not agree on who was The Greatest Creator. So The Council decided upon a competition: S/he who creates The Most Innovative Creature should win a Supply of Snacks for All Eternity. A minor goddess created The Duck - a creature able to swim, fly, and walk, to live on Land and in Water, and to conquer the Skies. (She won.)


Why brain mush

[Jubal]

Brain mush because world


Floof?

[The Seamstress]

Floof.

Where are all the goblins hiding?

[Jubal]

Up a giant's trousers somewhere.


Wherefore now?

[The Seamstress]

Therefore later.

What if cryptids aren't the actual cryptids, but we are the actual cryptids and they're just the standard creatures?

[Jubal]

I reject the cryptid/not-cryptid binary:)


Why don't birthdays feel more birthdayful?

[The Seamstress]

You have to fully embrace the birthdayfulness, otherwise it won't work. Have you had cake? Or cheese? Listened to some of your favourite music and sang along, imitating famous badger baritone Barger McBadgeitone...?


Who wins the cheese eating competition (eat as much as you can): Gandalf or Sauron?

[Jubal]

Gandalf. Sauron's mouth is a whole other guy, so he'd be disqualified for cheating.

(I am, sadly, at work feeling frustrated at Digital Humanities things, which is not helping things).

Why is tea not available from taps?

[The Seamstress]

Because it would put the teabag industry out of business.

In a forest are 700 trees. 300 are conifers. Badger baritone Barger McBadgeitone is 5 feet tall and giving a concert in the forest. Calculate the percentage of squirrels that are 1 feet tall, live in half the conifers, and hate opera?

[Jubal]

That would breach GDPR.


Why has nobody since Samson had the whole super strength as long as no haircuts superpower?

[The Seamstress]

It would be against all safety regulations that have been established in the Hero Profession since Samson's unfortunate demise. Workplace safety should be taken very seriously!

Why are there no Pharaoh's curses anymore, they were an honourable ancient tradition?