Spoil a wish

[Caradìlis]

Your insides feel less like jelly than the rest of your body, because you have been turned into a raspberry flavoured jelly and you don't feel anything anymore...

I wish it was already the Easter holidays...

[Jubal]

It is now the Easter holidays :p But nobody has posted in this thread for weeks and that's terrible.

I wish my brain got depressed less easily.

[Caradìlis]

Your brain never gets depressed, but that is because in a very unfortunate event it has been detatched from the rest of you.

I wish I had more control over things happening around me...

[Jubal]

You can will anything to happen with a thought. This turns out to be rather dangerous and leads to a lot of people getting rather upset with you after four deaths, the sun nearly going out, and a large number of dragons spontaneously appearing across Austria.

I wish I was a better guitarist.

[Caradìlis]

You are the world's best guitarist, this leads to a number of people dying over how amazing your music is and their relatives tearing you to pieces out of grief, anger, jealousy, etc...

I wish I could help...

[comrade_general]

You help everyone so much that they resent you for it. I know. Ouch.

I wish I had a cheeseburger.

[Caradìlis]

You had a cheeseburger, but that was three weeks ago, so now you still don't have one...

I wish my homework could do itself...

[Jubal]

Your homework can do itself. It's also sentient, in order to allow for this, and it can't do anything else on account of being paper, so it's basically just a sentient being trapped permanently suffering in an unseeing void for all eternity.

I wish I could borrow a big fluffly pet of some sort for the afternoon.

[comrade_general]

Pent comes to visit you for the afternoon but ends up staying and mooching off you for years.

I wish it was a little warmer outside.

[Caradìlis]

It is warm outside, because due to global warming and human ignorance, the planet has lost its atmosphere and the sun's burning ultraviolet life has turned it into an uninhabitable zone of desolation and death...

I wish I could be a cat...

[Jubal]

You become a cat. As you don't have an owner, you have to go feral, get beaten up because you don't know how to fight like a cat, get cat diseases in your cat wounds, and die painfully. Then wake up and have to do that again eight more times.

I wish for chocolate.

[comrade_general]

You forget you are a dog and eat the chocolate and die.

I wish my car was fixed.

[Caradìlis]

It is fixed, but while that has been going on, it has become sentient and has decided it no longer wants to be subservient to humans and upon seeing you, it gleefully runs you over...

I wish I was an animagus...

[Jubal]

You are an animagus. Your animagus is a blobfish, and if you turn into it you will explode from being at the wrong pressure level.

I wish my flat had more natural light in it.

[Caradìlis]

Your flat faces south-east, and this causes you to wake up at 4 am in the summer, while your flat heats to 40 degrees and you slowly die in the boiling heat of cruel sunlight...

I wish I had a bigger kitchen...