One day a man arrives at your door. He arrives gives you a card. It says: "Hi, I'm Alan. I am your 'Friend'."
On the back of the card is written "The company company. An outreach group". The man wanders into your house, sits in your front room and proceeds to look at his phone. You are somewhat pleased to have company, despite his offishness.
The next day, however, the exact same thing happens. A man arrives at your door with a card. Presumably there was some administrative blunder, so you tell him you already have company but he ignores you and lets himself in.
You ask him to leave but this falls on deaf ears, so you decide to get in touch with the company company instead. You search for them on the internet to get their phone number but you can't even find a mention of them anywhere. You spent a long time entering all combinations of search terms to no avail. You try asking the men where they came from instead, but they shrug and say nothing.
The next day the same thing happens so you decide to phone the police, and report these men as trespassers. The police think you are making the story up and refuse to help.
Everything you try does not prevent a new friend arriving each day. After a few weeks your house is stuffed full of disinterested people sighing, looking at their phones helping themselves to your food and laying about the place dozing.
I wish I wasn't up this early.
