Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Jubal]

It would be more efficient, but the stove unions would object to cars taking their jobs.

Why was the best time in human history the Eighteenth of October, 4381 BC?

[beebug_nic]

Well, firstly it was a Sunday - which always puts people in a good mood. But why was it such a good time for humanity? well on that day one of the Great Elder Gods whispered into the ears of a relatively unknown farmer. The words were themselves appeared in a dream as the farmer slept in the shade under a particularly hot sun.  As the words worked themselves from the farmers subconscious into his waking brain, he sat bolt upright and laughed harder than anyone had ever laughed in history.  He recorded those words on a stone tablet, and eventually the words grew and spread amongst the people. And those words were:

Jul qvq gur puvpxra pebff gur ebnq?

And the rest, as they say, is history.

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Why does my milk go off whenever I leave it out of the fridge?

[Tusky]

It goes off in the same way that a gun would go off - because you applied heat to it. It's just that guns require a lot more heat indeed to make enough force to move the bullet. Milk going off takes a really really long time, but the results are the same.

Were the jam famous for liking jam? Or did they just make it.

[Jubal]

Neither. They believed themselves to be jam and saw jam eating as a form of cannibalism, and thus impermissible except for chili jam because that doesn't count.

What is the weight of a waiting waiter?

[Caradìlis]

Zero, because you should never ask anyone how much they weigh, it's impolite.

Why is heat legal?

[comrade_general]

Because cold is illegal.

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

[Caradìlis]

Going by that logic: Testical.

Why does the stuff I want always have to be out of stock?

[Tusky]

There is a team of people who specifically track your online activities. When they see that you are about to click onto something you might want they hurriedly purchase all remaining stock so there is none left for you to buy.

What would you do if I sang out of tune?

[comrade_general]

Stand up and walk out on you.

What would you do if I tune out of sang?

[Jubal]

Explode and implode simultaneously.

Why aren't cocktail sticks made of a cock's tail?

[Tusky]

In a way they are: They are made of the old oars of coxswains who retire from rowing. The spelling did used to be called coxswain sticks but adopted today's spelling due to semantic shift

A microphone is not a small phone, nor is a microlight a small light. Should we find new words for impostors like these or prefix every word with "micro"

[Jubal]

I am in microagreement with the second micro idea in your micropost.

Straw, huh, what is it good for?

[Caradìlis]

Well, I use it to burn corpses...

Are butterflies made of butter?

[Jubal]

No, they're made of margarine, it's a massive scam

Are horseflies made of horse?

[Caradìlis]

No, but they are famous for their horsemanship...

Why isn't red yellow?