Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[The Seamstress]

Chanel.

How many hamsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

[Jubal]

It depends what you want to change the lightbulb into. If you want to change it into, say, a broken lightbulb, the number is rather smaller than if you want to change it into a hoopoe.

Why isn't magic easier to access?

[The Seamstress]

Because of the Magic & Mysteries Regulation Act of 1861, to make sure inexperienced wannabe wizards & witches don't turn themselves (or each other, or some unlucky third person) into geese all the time. You can't imagine how much trouble people were in when magic was en vogue and freely available everywhere in the 1840s. The resulting amount of geese, toads, and other creatures was threatening the very fabric of society, so authorities thought it necessary to intervene. Nowadays you have to prove your magical responsibility, swearing to not goose anyone and learning some basics before you're allowed to magic. Very few people pass the no-gooseing test.


What if the so-called conspiracy theories are all true?

[Jubal]

Then we'll have to come up with some new ones!


What are the first and second rules of Bumblebee Club?

[The Seamstress]

1. Bee cute and floofy
2. Bzzzz


What is it that makes chocolate so delicious?

[Jubal]

The sacrificed souls of fairies.

Why is it that I know the theme tune of so many things that I've never seen?

[The Seamstress]

The tunes are telepathically planted into your brain by The Secret Theme Tune Siblinghood, for reasons yet to be known.

What is the earth's core really made of?

[Jubal]

Given the moon is made of cheese, logically, the earth's core must be made of chocolate to balance it out.

When is a photo not a photo?

[The Seamstress]

When the release button doesn't work and you only think you've taken a photo, but haven't, and the resulting space-time-ripple melts the non-photo into the void.

Why is it so difficult to make friends as an adult?

[Jubal]

Because they already did that TV show and pitching it to producers today will just make them say "you can't make that, that's friends, it already exists".


Why aren't quail more scared?

[The Seamstress]

Quail are never scared. Never. Because they know that one day, their home planet in The Quadraphonic Quail Quadrant will send an army of psychic superquails with the power to dominate the earth. They'll arrive when we'll least expect it.


Can anyone become a pumpkin?

[Jubal]

No, you definitionally have to be related to a pump.

Why don't we have tiny robots that run around in our joints fixing them?

[The Seamstress]

Because - citing their aversion to anything AI - the joints refuse to let tiny robots near them.


Why are my rabbits slurping so ridiculously noisy when drinking from their water bowls?

[Jubal]

Because staying hydrated is a sound decision.

(Related thought, Decibel would be a surprisingly good name for a rabbit)

Why are all the cupboards in my office grey?

[The Seamstress]

Because it is a grey area.


You're about to fight an evil entity with unknown evil powers, and you're allowed to choose three fellow combatants: Why would a goat, a pig, and a sheep be your best choice?