Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Jubal]

Four legs better! Which is clearly an analogously communist phrase in Animal Farm, and communists are very anti traditional religion, so therefore an evil entity with unknown evil powers which is essentially a deity will be weak against communism.


If you're meant to float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, what are you meant to do in the manner of a dragonfly?

[The Seamstress]

⋆⁺₊⋆ Sparkle ⋆⁺₊⋆


What would we find if we'd conduct an archaeological excavation on Saturn?

[Jubal]

Urns that got sat on, I should imagine.

Why don't we all just sleep on the floor?

[The Seamstress]

Because beds & sofas are two of the best inventions of humankind and we should honour that by being comfy.
Sleeping on the floor is heresy.


Who invented blankets?

[Jubal]

Augusta Palinstheia de Winderflute, Fourteenth Countess of Blanket.


What other invention was Augusta Palinstheia de Winderflute, Fourteenth Countess of Blanket, well known for during her lifetime?

[The Seamstress]

Oh, she was a quite prolific inventor with many great ideas (such as The Automatic Anteater Ant-Removal Device), but most notably, apart from being the Creator of Blankets, she was the first person to introduce the practice of Human Burrito, a highly beneficial and health-improving procedure in which the individual rolls themself into a blanket and curls up in a comfy spot. To this day it is used to alleviate all kinds of problems and praised for its therapeutic effects.


Why are household tasks so boring and exhausting?

[Jubal]

It's all the result of an evil plot forced upon us by the wibulnibs! They take all our fun and silliness, curse them!


Why am I a sleepy sort of Jubal?

[The Seamstress]

Probably because you stayed up late again, working on your world domination plans. Take it easy, I tell you; the pangolin army still needs some more training anyway, and Rome wasn't built in a day, either.


Where have my executive functions gone and why won't they come back?

[Jubal]

To the executive suite, and they won't come back because they're getting paid more there.

Why shouldn't you cuddle a skunk?

[The Seamstress]

Well, apart from the obvious reason, skunks also shouldn't be cuddled because you'd ruin their hairstyles. They're very particular about that.


Why do we get so much useless stuff while teleport is still not invented? Life would be so much easier and fun.

[Jubal]

Because Geralt of Rivia is secretly running our science budgets, and he famously hates portals.

Why did I burn my tongue on my last cup of tea?

[The Seamstress]

Because this particular cup of tea held a grudge against you. (But don't worry, it was the only one. Every other cup of tea is your friend.)


What's the first thing a person is supposed to do when they're joining The Top Secret Society of Trapdoors?

[Jubal]

Get out of the Bottom Secret Society of Trapdoors, via the trapdoor.


Why are the goblins going on a quest?

[The Seamstress]

Because Buggur, the goblin king's nephew, had heard a conspiracy theory about a gigantic stash of jewels hidden somewhere in The Mighty Mountains of Misery. He insisted on going on a quest to find it, and being the king's nephew, no one dared to object. (They didn't find jewels, in the end, but joo-eels, a poisonous and aggressive species of eel. Turns out Buggur had misheard. Everyone ended up poisoned and started to glow in the dark, but that's another story.)


What is the scariest thing about meeting new people?

[Jubal]

The chance that I'll spontaneously turn into a tiny gnome and have to run away and hide to preserve my secret.

Why are papers terrifying?