Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[The Seamstress]

Theoretically they can, but they aren't allowed to drive. You don't want to know the reason, believe me.

Who's the best human in human history?

[Jubal]

Khuashak Tsokali.

Why do dwarfs dig holes?

[The Seamstress]

It's in their DNA. They're programmed to be inside mountains and such.

What is the most scandalous event that ever happened in The Shire?

[Jubal]

We do not speak of the pumpkin festival of '39. We do not breathe its memory! We dare not!

If Lincolnshire is centred on Lincoln and Herefordshire on Hereford, does the hobbits' region just being The Shire imply that its central town is nameless and never mentioned?

[The Seamstress]

THE SHIRE is the Master of All Shires, and its central town shall remain a mystery! Thou shalt not utter the name of The Nameless Town! Sacrilege! Heresy! (Either that or there is no town and to cover that up they forbid everyone to talk about it. We'll probably never know.)


Where did my motivation go?

[Jubal]

The shire.


Is your motivation hanging out with my motivation and they just didn't invite us?

[The Seamstress]

I guess so. They're in The Shire, eating and singing and frolicking merrily without us. The impertinence.


Why doesn't my lunch prepare itself? I'm tired!

[Jubal]

It is preparing for THE DESCENT.


Is Spartacus the real Slim Shady?

[The Seamstress]

Only the Real Slim Shady is the Real Slim Shady. Conclusion: It's not Spartacus. Everyone is Spartacus.


Has anyone ever seen you and Frodo in a room together? Confess!

[Jubal]

I guess people have watched LOTR with me? 


Why can't I just unbuild and remodel bits of buildings instantaneously like in a computer game?

[The Seamstress]

Because the game developer who made our reality didn't include that feature. I wish they did though.

I'm tired of human responsibilities, can I become a pigeon?

[Jubal]

You can, but that'll mostly make it harder for you to do your responsibilities.

Why can't I change the sky colour?

[The Seamstress]

Blame the game developer who didn't give us adjustable buildings! This "reality" game lacks all the good features. No colour changes, no remodeling of buildings or landscape, some really terrible NPCs and the plot is getting ridiculous, too.


Why was Zosimóó III., Her Royal Cowness, Queen of Bovínetayne, abducted in the spring of 1694?

[Jubal]

She stepped in a cowcatcher.


Why aren't there dowager dowitchers?

[The Seamstress]

Because no one knows what these are. (It's me, I am no one.)


Legolas, what do your elf eyes see?