Spoil a wish

[Caradìlis]

You become the world's greatest knitter, als long as you only use human entrails for knitting purposes.

I wish I could magic someone to me right now...

[Jubal]

You can magic someone to you. That someone is Alexander Van Der Bellen, President of Austria and probably not scintillating company by most standards. So you get to either disappear the President right now, causing a massive manhunt and leading to your probable arrest, or your power is unuseable.

I wish I had a bottle of gin in the cupboard.

[Caradìlis]

(You stop there right now, our President is awesome, and exactly the kind of calm, mellow, yet strict and fatherly figure this country needs right now! And I would be happy talking to him right now, or any other time, even though he was definitely not the someone I meant.)

You have a bottle of gin in your cupboard. It is empty.

I wish I was better at not missing people...

[Jubal]

Oh, I really like Van der Bellen, don't get me wrong - and I agree he comes across as calm and a pretty solid option right now. I was just trying to think of someone who was really not the sort of company you were per se after/who you teleporting around might cause problems to you, and who also wouldn't be so revolting to you that you'd just kill them.

You get better at not missing people. Your preternatural shooting ability gets you kidnapped and forced into service by an elite team of secret agents and you are forced to leave everyone you love behind for a new life as a trained assassin for mysterious overlords.

I wish I needed less sleep.

[Caradìlis]

(So, basically I am Natasha Romanoff now... I see no downside to this... I am looking forward to kicking ass...)

You don't need sleep, you are a robot, you now also no longer have the capacity for emotions... When you try to start the robot apocalypse, Tony Stark shows up and decomissions you... You don't exist anymore...

I wish Hawkeye would text back...

[Jubal]

He texts you the word "back" and nothing else. From a burner phone.

I wish I could play bar chords properly on my guitar.

[Ierne]

You can now play the song 'bar chords' which turns out to be a really annoying and repetitive tune you get stuck in your head for days.

I wish my computer was powerful enough for me to run minecraft. Properly. Without glitches, ridiculous slowdowns or my hard drive burning up.

[Jubal]

Your computer is now a top grade supercomputer. Powerful enough to run whatever you like, but takes up more space than you have and your electricity bill skyrockets to unaffordable levels.

I wish I could just have a damn shower.

[Tusky]

You can have a damn shower. The damned water is the bilious and vile excretions of demons and other hellish denizens. Plus it's still cold.

I wish I had a nice comfy pair of pyjama bottoms

[Glaurung]

You have a nice comfy pair of pyjama bottoms. They can only be worn with a pyjama jacket made of horsehair.

I wish I could stop accidentally biting the inside of my cheek.

[Caradìlis]

You never again bite the inside of your cheek... you do however bite your tongue every time you close your mouth.

I wish Black Widow wasn't dead.

[Jubal]

She is now a zombie and thus undead.

I wish for a hug.

[Caradìlis]

You get a hug. The person is ill, you are now ill, you die.

I wish I had something better to do right now...

[Glaurung]

You have something better to do now - in fact you have so many better things to do now that you are utterly overwhelmed by deciding between them, and don't actually manage to do anything at all.

I wish my facial hair was food- and drink-proof.

[Jubal]

It is now food and drink proof, by repelling any food or drink that touches it at high velocity. This creates a number of further problems, some severe misunderstandings, and a lot of mess.

I wish my elbow wasn't so prone to seizing up and being painful.