Spoil a wish

[Glaurung]

Having taken a good part of your day, dipped it in batter and deep-fried it, you decide that the rest of your day should be turned into a suitable condiment to go with your fritters. Alas, time-based foodstuffs turn out to be frustratingly insubstantial.

I wish I could avoid procrastinating so much.

[Tusky]

You always know instantly what you or anyone else should do in any given situation. you are compelled to express your opinion. You become shunned for being an insufferable know it all, and always seeming to need to declare what you are doing all the time.

I wish that camels were blue

[Glaurung]

Camels are blue - so uniformly blue, in fact, that they cannot readily be distinguished from the sky. Neither their camel-herders nor even other camels can find them, leading to the collapse of desert trade routes and the extinction of the species.

I wish I had more time to go to the pub.

[Jubal]

You are granted eternal life, which you can spend most of in the pub given you will have retired by then. However, you are not granted eternal youth, and you eventually lose the taste for everything, stting struldbrug-like in the corner of a pub for much of eternity whilst too weak to actually get to the bar or drink.

I wish someone would make a movie of at least one of the major Georgian epics.

[Glaurung]

Someone made a movie of one of the major Georgian epics. Unfortunately, it has the same fidelity to the text as the ten-minute cartoon of The Hobbit or the Rankin-Bass production of The Return of the King. You find this disappointing.

I wish my local supermarket was open after midnight.

[Jubal]

It's always some amount of time after midnight somewhere. The opening hours do not change, and your request is fulfilled regardless.

I wish I could just curl up and do what I wanted and not have to worry about work for a month.

[Caradìlis]

You can curl up and not worry about work for a month. You are also a pangolin now. Unfortunately, a Chinese poacher has captured you and locked you up. You die from the stress.

I wish I was one of my DnD dice...

[Jubal]

You are a D12. You never get rolled and die wondering what your life could have been if you'd been a D20.

I wish I felt better about things.

[Caradìlis]

(I actually use my d12 a lot... But I may be a fluke...)

You feel better about everything, because you have been shot with a tranquiliser dart and are now on your way to a meat processing plant, where you will be turned into burger patties...

I wish I had studied science...

[Jubal]

(I dunno, it was traditionally a D&D joke that the D12 only got used in the Barbarian Rage rules and almost nowhere else, but I think that was more in 3rd/3.5ed than 5th which I assume is what you're playing).

You study science. The science is not green. It is therefore not science, because science is always green. Nobody ever knows what you did. That is taken care of by the appropriate people. Science is green.

I wish for a working shower, in my flat, in the location of the current shower, pointing in the correct direction, with normal shower temperature water (that is, circa forty degrees celsius) reliably available when (and only when) I turn on the shower taps.

[Caradìlis]

(I am starting to see a conspiracy theory here... )

You have a working shower. But it uses up all the water in your flat and now you can't use the tap and the toilet does not flush...

I wish people had time to play with me... I am boored...

[Jubal]

Everyone has time! Lots of time! Literallly everyone tries to play games with you simultaneously on the internet. You now cannot use the internet because you have no bandwidth at all, and so can't communicate with any of the people.

I wish I could talk to mice.

[Caradìlis]

You can talk to mice. You are a mouse. You can no longer talk to humans, and are eaten by a cat.

I wish I had more cookies...

[Jubal]

You have more cookies because random items in your household start turning into cookies. You eventually have nothing left but cookies, and die of thirst because all your water is now cookies.

I wish I was better at estimating what counts as a "small job".

[Ierne]

You are great at estimating what counts as a small job. Unfortunately, the standards you are excellent at estimating by are what would count as a small job for the entire Russian army. Making a thousand donuts in under an hour? small job.

I wish I was better at knitting. I keep making wierd, 'what on earth even is that' type errors...