Spoil a wish

[Jubal]

Your employer works out that you're in the baseball team. It does not go well for you.

I wish I didn't have psoriasis.

[Tusky]

Your psoiasis is cured by removing your skin,whichquickly becomes more irritating.

I wish I had the option to grow a decent looking beard.

[Jubal]

You can grow a decent looking beard, but only on your belly, not on your face. This is unhelpful.

I wish I owned an actual lute.

[Glaurung]

You own an actual lute. It's twenty feet tall, you can only play it if you climb up on a ladder, and all the notes are too low to be audible by humans.

I wish my left knee still worked properly.

[Jubal]

Your left knee gets up, leaves your body and goes out to work reliably every single day. However, it refuses to pay any rent, and you don't get to use it for walking on.

I wish exercise wasn't so much actual effort.

[Tusky]

Excercise is less effort for you. However you have to endure the effort for an unnecessarily long time first.

I wish I could invent a cure for an illness people suffer with.

[Glaurung]

You can invent a cure for an illness that people suffer with. Unfortunately only two people in the whole world suffer from this illness, and its only effect is to make their left little twitch intermittently every third Wednesday of the month, so the cure is of limited usefulness.

I wish I didn't have to boil pasta to make it edible.

[Jubal]

You don't have to boil pasta to make it edible! You do however still have to boil it to make it actually taste nice.

I wish the washing up did itself.

[Glaurung]

The washing up does itself. However, the drying-up does not: your newly animated crockery and cutlery become fed up of sitting, wet and dripping, on the drying rack, and run off to seek new homes.

I wish my shoes didn't wear out.

[Jubal]

Your shoes don't wear out. This miraculous property is noticed by everyone, and the government confiscates the shoes in order to study them. You now have no shoes.

I wish I knew more about how to care for Hasdrubal the Pigeon

[Glaurung]

You know absolutely everything possible about how to care for Hasdrubal the Pigeon. While you've been acquiring this vast store of knowledge, the pigeon has finished fledging and flown away.

I wish my central heating wasn't full of limescale.

[Jubal]

All the limescale instantly disappears from your central heating, leaving literally nothing in its place. The series of localised vacuums and implosions and precipitate drop in pressure that result break the system far worse than the limescale.

I wish I knew what to do today.

[Caradìlis]

You know what to do today. You have far too much on your plate and get stressed.

I wish I wasn't dead.

[Jubal]

You are not dead! Unfortunately, *waves at everything going on in the world*.

I wish I had done stuff today.

[Ierne]

In order to have done stuff today, it is necessary for you to travel back in time. But you are not an expert time traveller. This amateur meddling has a terrifying knock on effect on the nature of reality that ultimately leads to everything tasting like lime yogurt.

I wish I could just eat, sleep, see the people I love and DM RPGs. Forever.