Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Jubal]

There has, but it was such a great swindle that they swindled history itself out of the story, so I can't tell you more than that.

Do bees like canapes?

[The Seamstress]

Probably. Bees are quite sophisticated creatures.

Why is bunny?

[Jubal]

Because BUNNY SEEKS WORLD DOMINATION

Why is there not more reading time?

[The Seamstress]

It's the wombats. It's always the wombats. Watch out!!

Who can accurately predict the future?

[Jubal]

Professor McBlusterfluff's Highly Trained Titmouse.

Why does Professor McBlusterfluff's Highly Trained Titmouse not tell us all the future?

[Tusky]

Foreseeing the future requires far more birdseed than the Professor, struggling financially as he is, can provide.

How could we best market a new type of antisceptic sausage: the Savel(on)oy

[Jubal]

A campaign fronted by affronted wombats.

Why is gin not giving me superpowers?

[The Seamstress]

No alcoholic beverage is going to give you superpowers. It's all a gin-ormous hoax.

What is currently going on on the moon?

[Jubal]

They're waxing it again.

Who are "they"?

[The Seamstress]

Only they know.

What is the true purpose of orange juice?

[Jubal]

Beatification.

Why is snow always the same colour?

[The Seamstress]

Because of The Law of Snow. There can only be One Colour. Thou shalt not question The One Colour!

Why is snow cold?

[Jubal]

Because it only has one colour, so it's very bored, so it doesn't move much, and heat is a form of vibration.

Why is the world conspiring against me having decent food this week?

[The Seamstress]

Wombats.

Why can't the world be more quiet?

[Tusky]

It's Poseidon and Amphitrite constantly squabbling. It sets off the dogs.

Could humans blinking be trained to be exactly in rhythm, like a metronome? I imagine it would help with timing things