Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Jubal]

No, I've just come back from it. She who was once a true love of thine says you should bugger off and stop giving her silly impossible tasks to do.

What is the finest prize at Fakenham Fair?

[Tusky]

Genuine toenail clippings from Astor McGullough, a celebrity from Tobermory. He is famous for successfully circumnavigating the main island of Orkney in a wheel barrow in the record time of 51 days 11 hours and 2 minutes.

Why can't car alarms be silent? or much more quiet at least... They can be so grating and one woke me up the other night.

[comrade_general]

That was just your alarm, foo.

Can I go home meow?

[Jubal]

No, you can only go home mooo. You are a cow not a cat.

Why isn't dreamward going?

[Tusky]

Do you mean Dreamward the cruise ship which was renamed to SuperStar Gemini? Or dreamward as in the direction of dreams.

If it's the former then I'd need to check the itinerary and when you asked. I imagine it was docked at a port. I can see at the moment it is in the Malacca strait having departed port Klang this morning.

If it's the latter then I suspect it could be any one of: things being on your mind; too much heat; too much noise; having consumed alcohol or physical discomfort

Why has my credit card company told me I can't pay off my credit card using the credit card? Seems suspicious to me, don't they trust their own service?

[Jubal]

They're cultists of demon Lord Snaki'garah and know that only paying off a credit card will be th itself will create the financial recursion loop to which their dark master is vulnerable.

Why am I in a shop that has nothing I want?

[Caradìlis]

I'll assume you walked in there of your own free will, so, hubris maybe?

Is Christmas over?

[comrade_general]

No. Once it ends it just begins again.

What will the new year be?

[Jubal]

A fish.

Why do we get given presents but not futures?

[Caradìlis]

We destroy the earth, we don't deserve a future...

Why can't I stop being a cynic?

[Jubal]

You're absorbing excess cynicism for other people, allowing others like me to go on believing that our stupid bizarre idiot species is essentially capable of good

Why don't sleighs slay anyone?

[Caradìlis]

They evolved from that, now they have judicial courts and an electric chair for that...

Why does 1+1 have to be 2?

[Jubal]

Because you're not thinking with portals.

Why can't I make words appear?

[Caradìlis]

Have you tried stringing letters together using a pen?

[Jubal]

No, because pens don't have string in them.

Why don't pens have string in them?