Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Ierne]

Not sure at all.

If penguins aren't what they appear to be, then what are they really?

[Tusky]

Why am I not getting a round of applause right now? I feel like I deserve one...

[Jubal]

Because the round of applause was meant to be delivered by Albert and the Kolabora Band, and they're dead.

Why are Albert and the Kolabora Band dead?

[Tusky]

They are? I just heard them perform their Charleston boogaloo suite in E minor on radio 1!

Do bats see ghosts?

[Jubal]

No, they echolocate them.

Do ghosts see bats?

[Tusky]

Yes. But they only see baseball bats.

Can dentists list times pugilists fists miss?

[Jubal]

Not if the pugilist hits them hard enough the first time, they can't.

Why can I not curl up in an anteater's tail?

[Tusky]

Because the tail entrances are designed for use only by chimps.

Ever ordered Double Gloucester Cheese and been annoyed it's a single portion?

[Jubal]

No. Nobody ever dares to merely serve me a single double gloucester cheese.

Where do the old years go once we start using the new ones?

[Ierne]

a nice retirement home on the south coast near Bournemouth

why save money when the money is never grateful?

[Jubal]

Because otherwise the goblin-dragons will steal all the money and use it for their nefarious plans.

More tea?

[Tusky]

It's actually: Fewer tea.

What do you call a block of butter with peanuts placed on top?

[Jubal]

I think Bohemond seems suitable.

Fear ye the wrath of Bohemond?

[Tusky]

Who is Bohemond?

Can Bohemond, his wrath, anger or any other emotion truly be feared?

[Jubal]

No, it's important to always fear him in the most false manner possible.

What would Cthulu Calamari taste like?