Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Caradìlis]

It is definitely not have recalibrated your cognitive functions to forget that you are a spy from the dark dimension, and we need to keep you from contacting your people and telling them all of our secrets... Because we did not... And you are not... And you should definitely not press that pressure plate at the back of your wardrobe... Don't do that... There is nothing there... Definitely nothing to see here...

Why do I miss someone so much?

[Jubal]

Your drinking habit is wrecking your aim, and you're not getting down to the archery range enough to practice.

When will the revolution overthrow me?

[Caradìlis]

(I am banned from archery ranges... I keep hitting on the archers...)

Oh dear, it already has, you just haven't noticed...

Why is it already past midnight?

[Tusky]

I heard that the interdimensional guild of invisible time meddlers paid you a visit yesterday.

Given that God is infinite, and that the Universe is also infinite: would you like a toasted teacake?

[Caradìlis]

No thank you.

What kind of eel is a Neal?

[Jubal]

One I ate. I am so sorry.

What is Mysterious Eel Extract best used for?

[Tusky]

Personally I think it is best used to create mysterious Nudibranch extract.

Can I have the planet Mars?

[Glaurung]

Yes - but you have to go and collect it.

Why do I have to turn on the light when it's dark?

[Caradìlis]

Because you are out of mirrors.

Why can the truth sound soo weird?

[Tusky]

I believe it is because of the effects of chemtrails.

Where can I get cookies at this time in the morning?

[Ierne]

you know none of us are allowed to pass on that information. be careful where you mention such things...

why does nothing go with the colour magnolia? nothing?

[Jubal]

The Things That Went With Magnolia were banished long ago. From reality. They know what they did. Nobody else remembers.

Why can't my guitar play itself?

[Caradìlis]

It would, but the constraints of society are weighing so hard on it, it is too shy to try.

[Tusky]

Because a flock of pink ostriches stole them.

Where can I get a hat like this person has: 

[Glaurung]

By turning yourself into a small piece of two-dimensional artwork.

Nasal hair - why?