Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Jubal]

It's an evolved defence against hobgoblins.

Why don't my plants talk back to me?

[Tusky]

They are talking to you but it is a very very quiet voice.

If bread always lands butter side down, why can't we wait until the bread has fallen on the floor, and then butter it?

[Jubal]

Because then you'd have to butter the underside and that would be really awkward, obviously.

Why are ducks?

[Tusky]

Because if there weren't then why are breadcrumbs? It just doesn't add up.

I need an extremely small pony for some administrative tasks. I'm talking less than a hand. Where could one procure such a beast in these unprecedented times?

[Jubal]

There's lots everywhere! Just make sure you have plenty of Italian lombard cream cheese, because in these unprecedented times you need to...

mascarpone.


(I'll get my coat).


What could happen if I renege on the above promise to get my coat?

[Caradìlis]

The coat will be offended to not have been got and will walk away to somewhere where it is more appreciated.

Where?

[Jubal]

DOWN.

In what way is a gutar unlike a mammoth?

[Ierne]

The guitar enjoyed the trombone's carefully prepared fruit salad, and therefore did not offend it the way the mammoth did

Why does the path of true love never run smooth?

[Jubal]

It's all these GOD DAMN PORCUPIIIIIIIINES!


Why are the spikes of porcupines called quills and not, as they should appropriately be called, porcuspines?

[Tusky]

I thought they were called porkyspleens?

Instead of an expensive and time consuming trip Madam Tussauds, wouldn't it be much more impressive to just go and have your photo taken with Barack Obama, Prince William and Benedict Cumberbatch?

[Ierne]

Obviously, why has no one thought of this sooner??

What is the best metaphor to describe the nature of reality? I'm not sure a cat in a box quite covers it for me.

[Jubal]

The nature of reality is the reality of nature. Which is technically a metaphor.

How do I protect myself from being eaten by wild savage metaphors?

[Ierne]

may i recommend our latest product, anti-wild metaphor repellent*, three quick sprays on your jacket and the metaphors won't come near! only 3.99 and available in all reputable pharmacies and trail shops!
_{*not to be confused with anti-wild meteor defence spray, which will render an attacking metaphor unconcious, but will have the same effect on you if you try and spray it on you jacket.}

how can i make my fantasy stories simultaneously both highly original and exactly what the reader was hoping for???

[Tusky]

Put a shrek in it

How is it nearly noon already?

[Jubal]

Because it's always nearly noon somewhere.

Cheese: yes or yes?