Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Jubal]

There's really only one leprechaun, he just gets around a lot.

Why don't scalpels imply the existence of e.g. kneecapels?

[The Seamstress]

Because these would all sound too silly and doctors would be distracted by it. ("Elbowels"? Seriously?)

What's your most outrageous secret?

[Jubal]

I know the secret of *Jubal is at this point immediately bundled away into a van by men in black suits*

Why isn't the sun shinier?

[The Seamstress]

Because it has The Power of A Thousand Suns, the ancient cosmic power shared by all suns, since the dawn of the universe. It doesn't heed any requests made by Foolish Mortals. It answers to no one. It's as shiny as it wants to be.

What shall be done to improve human-wibulnib relations? That fighting can't go on forever!

[Jubal]

I'm afraid to say that the answer probably involves an unwise quantity of cider.

Why am I not better at this whole human being lark?

[The Seamstress]

Because no one really is. We don't know what we're doing 75% of the time. But that's okay, nobody's perfect. (Except sheep. They know what's going on.)

What happened on August 25th, 6782 BCE?

[Jubal]

Someone sneezed.

Why aren't walls made of chocolate more often?

[The Seamstress]

They'd melt in summer and be eaten all year round, so it's not worth the effort re-installing them again and again. That's why they sell chocolate in small quantities and make walls out of non-edible stuff.

What became of Baarbara The Banjo-playing Sheep after her career ended with a scandal?

[Jubal]

Only baa-d things, dear friend. Only baaaaa-d things.

Why can't I just curl up in some dry leaves and rest for some months?

[The Seamstress]

Because humans don't hibernate. Evolution failed us. I'm still mad.

How is it possible that raisins exist, but decreasins do not?

[Jubal]

Raisins are dried grapes, so decreasins, going in the other direction, must be expanded grapes, therefore decreasins do exist, they are grapefruit.

Why doesn't staring into a glass of fruit juice, wine, or similar provide me with cosmic insight no matter how many times I try?

[The Seamstress]

Raisins are dried grapes, so decreasins, going in the other direction, must be expanded grapes, therefore decreasins do exist, they are grapefruit.

This doesn't sound stupid at all, actually. It's just basic logic! lol


Cosmic insight, I'm afraid, can't be found in glasses of terrestrial beverages. They're not attuned to the cosmic wisdom sent to us by the alien world of Pffrt.

What is bunny?

[Jubal]

Bunny is WORLD DOMINATION

Why hasn't Thor come to get his hero shrew back yet?

[The Seamstress]

Because the shrew quit its job and doesn't want to work with Thor anymore. He'd refused to raise its salary.

How many books are too many books?

[Jubal]

HERESY TO SUGGEST THIS IS POSSIBLE! HERESY I SAY!


Why can't a tangerine get a tan?