Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[The Seamstress]

SOON. (The X-Files theme starts playing)


Who will be the first human to go through a wormhole in space?

[Jubal]

Oh, Medieval Italian lawyer Marinus da Caramanico, I should think.


Everyone asks "why did the Roman Empire fall" but I want to move the conversation on, so I ask "why did the Roman Empire winter"?

[The Seamstress]

Because they did spring and summer, too, and wanted to do all the four seasons.

What's a secret you could Dracula blackmail with?

[Jubal]

A secret you could Dracula blackmail with is, tautologically speaking, a secret, and it is something you could Dracula blackmail with.

If a calculator calculates, why don't alligators alligate?

[The Seamstress]

Unfortunately they're too busy right now, they'll see you later for further discussion of that matter.


There's cubism, but why is there no rectanglism, trianglism, or spherism?

[Jubal]

Because too many artists are squares.

Why isn't there a letter in the latin alphabet to denote a sneeze?

[The Seamstress]

They tried, but when a persistent sniffles epidemic broke out among scribes, they abolished the letter again because all the texts were full of sneezes, making them unreadable.


Where did everything actually come from, and where does it go?

[Jubal]

Where did everything actually come from, and where does it go?

Where did it come from? Cotton-eye Joe.

Why is Ouchy in Switzerland? What hurt Switzerland so badly?

[The Seamstress]

Tyroleans. They held a yodeling contest in 1782, and Switzerland lost shamefully. The city where it had taken place was renamed "Ouchy" to commemorate the event.


What if everyone sees colours differently? How can we know that blue isn't red?

[Jubal]

Blue is red, it's just the machinations of the two party system that keep you from breaking your chains and realising and overthrowing your maste- *gets bundled off into a van*

Why aren't my socks full of salted peanuts?

[The Seamstress]

Because salted peanuts ought to go into stockings.


What's the one thing that should not be doubted?

[Jubal]

THE WORM

What is the one thing that should always be doubted?

[The Seamstress]

THE BEETLE


Why are apes never invited to anything, given they're humans' closest relatives?

[Jubal]

They're not invited to any thing because Things are Icelandic formal meetings and gatherings, not held very often, and in climates too cold for most apes to enjoy anyway.

Why aren't baguettes little bags as opposed to big breads?

[The Seamstress]

They were, a long time ago. That's why they're called baguettes and also why they're so big. People used to smuggle things by stuffing them into the bread. But then they got greedy, wanting to smuggle more and more, and the bread was therefore made bigger until authorities ultimately noticed something was off.


Has a rabbit ever invented anything, and if so, what?